The Widow
by f-romanoff-13
Summary: A series of mini drabbles written as part of the 365 day headcanon challenge on tumblr


**Day 1: Childhood**

Natasha doesn't trust most of her childhood memories, her mind has been messed with far too many times to be reliable. The memories she knows are real are the painful ones; the broken arm, the smell of smoke, hunger so painful she never believed she would survive.

But she did survive, she made it and she doesn't dwell on the past.

She didn't have a childhood, at least, not one worth remembering.

 **Day 2: Scars**

Natasha has a lot of scars.

Some are physical, most are mental, a few are both.

Some she remembers; the scar above her left eye, shrapnel from an explosion in Baghdad. The scars on her feet, torture from her time in the Red Room. On her thigh, the stab wound from her mission in Peru…

Some she doesn't; the mark on the back of her neck, a burn on her arm, the cause of the nightmares about a cabin in the woods…

There are the ones she doesn't talk about; the scars around her left wrist, resulting from years of sleeping handcuffed to the bed and the reason behind her almost overwhelming fear of fire.

There are the ones everyone knows about; the knife mark by her elbow

And there's one she actually likes…

The first mission she and Clint worked as Strike Team Delta went very wrong, very quickly. Their call for back up went unanswered because many of the agents believed Natasha to be a traitor, and the reason for the failure of the mission. The agents made it home, but not unscathed. Natasha took a bullet which was meant for Clint, losing so much blood she was unconscious by the time Clint got her back to their quinjet. The scar on her left shoulder represents the time she proved herself to Shield, the time she proved her loyalty, and the time she started to repay her debt to Clint.

 **Day 3: Dreams**

Natasha doesn't dream often.

Her nights are more often plagued with memories or nightmares.

Insomnia isn't rare, and when it hits she's been known to be awake for five days straight before getting any rest…

The odd dream that manages to get through occurs when she feels truly at rest; secure, relaxed, content… She usually has Clint to thank for those peaceful nights. A warm bath, a crappy film, her favourite foods… His fingers through her hair as she falls to sleep, soft whispers of Russian in her ear, his arms around her…

 **Day 4: Nightmares**

Nightmares, unfortunately, are common for Natasha.

More common following periods of stress, returning home from difficult missions usually means a week or two of restless nights, exhaustion and nightmares.

Visions of her past; missions, torture, failures…

Manifestation of her fears; loss, returning to what she was, losing the trust and respect of her friends, betrayal…

A common theme of her nightmares following the battle of New York involved Loki, and they always went one of two ways; he followed through on his promise, and had Clint kill her in all the ways he knew she feared. Or Loki killed Clint in front of her, forcing her to watch and leaving her helpless to do anything about it.

Few know how badly Natasha suffers from nightmares. Those that do are Clint, Phil, Maria and Steve.

When Natasha was first brought into Shield by Clint, she was kept closely watched and guarded for the first few weeks to ensure her honesty and reliability to Shield. The first three weeks were spent in a locked cell. When Clint found out, he sat with her up to 20 hours a day, feeling guilty for failing to keep his word and prevent her being treated like a prisoner. When he wasn't sat with her, Phil took his place, and eventually, Maria also took on visiting her. Those early days were tough on her, and all three witness the terrifying nightmares she suffered. Of the three of them, only Clint knows they still continue today…

Steve has seen her suffer nightmares first hand when the pair have worked together, both for Shield and with the Avengers. Steve is one of the few people Natasha allows close enough to see her flaws. He doesn't mention it, and Natasha appreciates that.

One thing Natasha knows helps; is Clint. His presence helps reduce the frequency of the nightmares, she rarely has them while he's there. And if she does, he knows just how to deal with them…

 **Day 5: Strengths**

Natasha has many strengths which make her uniquely qualified to work on a team with a bunch of super heroes;

She is hard-working, committed and determined. She has skills in hand to hand combat, weaponry, linguistics, espionage, undercover work and interrogation.

Natasha is in peak physical condition, an Olympic-level athlete with higher than average levels of stamina, strength and agility. She is also incredibly intelligent, fast-thinking and quick learning.

Despite all of these attributes, Natasha still doubts herself. _What business does she have on a team with Captain America and Thor?!…_

Natasha always see's the strengths in others; Steve's caring, Tony's commitment, Clint's kindness… She needs to learn to recognise her own strengths.


End file.
